Peach Creek Medical Journal
We're Back Folks
As I dust off my keyboard and sit down to write yet another article for the Jawbreaker Chronicle I am struck by just
how long it has been since our last update. Many things have happened in the near year that the Jawbreaker Chronicle first
closed its doors. Time has changed all of the staff in some ways, but I feel that I may have changed the most. You see shortly
after we, the staff, took our year long break from writing the Jawbreaker Chronicle, I was diagnosed with moderate schizophrenia.
After being admitted to a psyche ward and being given many many sessions of shock therapy, I can safely say that I am very
Unfortunately this turn of events has led me to question the authenticity and validity of all the articles I have written
in the past. I have therefore been led to believe that everything within every single article I have written is completely
false. It is hard to believe and I feel I must sincerely apologize to every single reader of the JBC. Now with that out of
the way I have one more piece of bad news. This latest fiasco has unfortunately prompted the medical board to retract my title
of “Doctor of Medicine”. I am now to be referred to as Intern Eric. Now with that out of the way I can continue
with what is to be my first issue as a reformed and productive member of society!
It has come to my attention that many scientists have begun to question the authenticity of the physics shown in Ed,
Edd, n Eddy. Indeed, some scientists have claimed “The physics portrayed within Ed, Edd, n Eddy are dreadful. The ridiculousness
and shear hilarity of each and every stunt within the show leaves the audience unable to adequately connect with the show
and worse, makes it appear like a simple cartoon. We, the United Physics Enforcement Agency, push for scientific accuracy
within all future episodes of Ed, Edd, n Eddy”. At press time we were unfortunately unable to reach anyone within Peach
Creek, but they most likely would have declined to comment anyway. Left only with the opinions of my fellow JBC staff members
to pull from, I asked a select few what they thought about the situation. Sadly there is no loyalty in journalism as both
mop, trash can, pencil, and wad of gum refused to comment on the situation. My personal opinion on the matter is that everyone
around me is going crazy and I need to escape from this place as fast as I can. That is why I must now bid you all adieu as
I gather up my office supplies, shoes, and tootsies roll wrappers before heading off to Bermuda riding my One-Eyed-One-Horned-Flying-Purple-People-Eater.
I must leave now, so…..THIS MESSAGE WILL NOW SELF-DESTRUCT IN 10….9….8…7…6…5…4…..3…2…1……
A New Paintball Fad? Or Another Scam?
In the past week this sportscaster has seen something incredible. The Eds have started their very own paintball league
for Peach Creek. Edd has designed 5 different model paintball guns and has even made a miniature production line. So far there
are two teams have have signed up for a
tournament. Kevin Rolf and Jonny are together under team HotRodPizza. While the Kankers are under a team as the Kankers
(I've heard they aren't even carrying guns they're just throwing paintballs, which hurt more). Battle arena's have been set
up in the junkyard, playground, and under the power lines. For now I'm trying to get together a JBC team. But after seeing
the mark on my back from the paintball Lee threw at me when I tried to get their comments on the other team Dr. Eric and Justin
have refused. However I should be able to get Blake and Jacob to be my sheilds, I mean teammates of course.
(JBC Sports Writer)
JBC Freelance Articles
Recently the kids of the Culde-sac have found Victor. He has been missing for a little over two weeks. He was found late
last week in believe it or not the JBC. The reward was $2.00 which was sanctioned by Rolf.
Rolf was very happy at the results. "Thank you, Blake boy! Rolf is very pleased. Rolf sent search parties for
this particular emergency," he said. I don't know why he said Blake because I didn't do anything.
"I can't believe how long ago Victor's mental block was," said Nazz,"I am very happy for Rolf."
She ended with looking at a dress and saying, "That's hot."
Well, Rolf is happy again. You know I had nothing else planned to say. So, let's end with saying ," HOORAY FOR
ROLF!!!!" Oh, and I didn't do anything. Remember that!
(JBC Freelance Writer)
Eddy Sued in Nudity Fiasco
Eddy has been ridiculed lately. He challenged Kevin to a fight in an arm wrestle and lost. Everyone made fun of him for
almost a week. Eddy also was mocked for his attempt to steal his jawbreakers, ask Nazz out, and trying to sell Plank a cow.
"It had gone too far, and I wanted to show them all," Eddy replied.
Another week later, Eddy decided to go "EAT MY SHORTS!" to Kevin. He pulled his pants down and grossed out
everyone in the cul-de-sac. In other news, Jimmy threw up. Anyway, Kevin decided to sue Eddy for a nudity charge, but a judge
wasn't availible so they used Rolf. Rolf reports, "So Rolf decided to be judge sir for this case."
Going back and fourth for hours, Eddy was finally proven guilty. Luckily for Eddy, Rolf being old worldly, decided
that the fine was 4 eggs, 7 turnips, and a watermelon. The fine was paid off and Eddy was set free. The rest of the kids were
still very upset at the ruling. Kevin said," I was so mad that Dorky was set free that I wanted to scream. I wanted to
send his butt to jail." "I don't see what I did wrong," Eddy replied,"Revenge is sweet to me, and there's
a thing called luck. I had it and it doesn't visit me often."
(JBC Freelance Writer)
Ever wanted your very own Ed camera? Of course you have! Well now is your chance to own your very own Ed cam! EDCO proudly
presents their new camera filled with tons of uses worth paying for. This product will be available in a few weeks so look
for a review on it in next weeks Business-Ed.
Ask The Editor
Every issue starting now we're featuring an Ask the Editor seciton. We're willing to answer any and all your questions so
drop us a line at email@example.com In honor of the first Ask the Editor this weeks question comes from the JBC's very own
WHEN IN GOD'S NAME ARE WE GOING TO GET PAID?!!
Thats a very good question Blake. Heres my answer. The JBC does not or will ever have the necessary funds to pay its staff
members. All profit goes towards the JBC's projects such as the space station, satelites, security system, building renovations,
and other useless junk. However you will receive and big ol' hearty handshake from me the Editor. Keep up the good work Blake
and I expect back change from the handshake because my time is very valuable.
|"I'm Ed and I approve the JBC"
The JBC is not affiliated to Cartoon Network or A.K.A. Studios in any way. The JBC is a non profit site and is only mantained
for sheer entertainment. No infringement is intended.
Jawbreaker Chronicleİ 2002-2006 All Articles are the original ideas of the staff
members of the site. The creator isn't liable for any content taken by staff members. Please don't take our articles. If you
would like to use one please email the Editor.