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Problems in Peach Creek
Apparently while the neighborhood beauty queen Nazz was tanning by the creek someone snuck up and
cut off some of her hair! She only got a glimpse of this person, enough to tell it was a boy, but no facial features
or clothe descriptions were given. She is currently hiding in her house with a brown paper bag over her head. She has allowed us
to come in and ask her questions about the incident. "Do you have any idea who the culprit mightbe?" "I have
no idea, why would anyone want to cut up my hair anyways?"
"Perhaps
for revenge, have youbeen on bad terms with anyone lately?"
"Just
Sarah, but this person was a guy so it couldn't have been her." Thesuspects have been narrowed down to Ed, Edd, Eddy, Kevin,
and Jonny. I have told the residents to keep me posted on any leads. There are many reasons for someone to cut
a piece of her hair off but we can't talk about it now because of legal stuff. The only lead right now is that the culprit
is said to be a male who maybe lurking around Nazz's house. If you have any information on these crimes or any suspects please
report it to the JBC headquarters in Peach Creek. (Third house on the right) We will keep you up to date on these happenings
as we receive the information.
~Emily~
(JBC Top Story Writer)
Sports-Ed
Edd Throws A Football!?
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The first time Edd was passed a football it was a failure. It all started when all the boys of
Peach Creek were having a football tournament, the Eds decided to go to watch. The teams were "The Peach Creek Worms" And
"Park N Flush Rats". The score was pittifull for Peach Creek. A score between Peach Creek 6 and park n flush 7 in a 10
minute time limit. Park n flush almost scored when the ball was accidentally passed to the audience and was caught by Edd.
he was shaking and sweating as everyone was shouting at him. He covered his eyes and threw the ball back. Threw with his eyes
still covered, the score bell went off. He uncovered his eyes with everyone cheering for him. Edd had scored a point for Peach
Creek.with only 5 more minutes left. Peach Creek worked their rear ends off trying to win the game.5 seconds left and they
won the game! Edd felt very proud of himself as the team marched up the stairs and grabbed him and raised him in the
air. I interveiwed him after the game.
Connie: Edd tell me how you feel right now.
Edd: Great eheh! I've never even played football and scored a touchdown before!
Connie: Does this make you want to join a football team?
Edd: No I'm not planning on it.
All in all, this was another exiting day at peach creek.
~Connie Huggett~
(Sports-Ed Writer)
~Sponsored by,
Lightning-gizer
The inner lightning. |
Peach
Creek Medical News
Jawbreaker Boycott Continues
Two weeks ago in the Jawbreaker Chronicle, we reported that Sugar Haters Anonymous blocked off the entrance to
the candy store with their protest denying the Eds their right to jawbreakers (see Issue 12 for more info). Today it seems,
Sugar Haters Anonymous has filed a class action lawsuit against candy companies across Peach Creek, suing to have jawbreaker
manufacturing halted entirely.
"What these candy companies are doing is a disgrace!" I.M. Bitter, leader of Sugar Haters Anonymous said at a press
conference this morning. "They are shipping out a product which they know causes mass amount of dental damage and worst of
all costs millions of dollars annually to resolve. By allowing the shipment of this product we are permitting candy companies
to reap rewards that they are not entitled too. It is because of this that we have no other choice but to get this extremely
hazardous product removed from the shelves and out of our childrens mouths!"
Backed by the wealthy members of society who have nothing better to do, Sugar Haters Anonymous hopes for a quick victory
over the candy companies.
Standing with the candy companies are the children of Peach Creek and most notably Ed, Edd, and Eddy.
When asked if they felt threatened by their
opposition, Edd had this to say. "We are simply exercising our right of freedom of speech. The candy companies have done no
wrong, they have simply released a product which when left unchecked can cause minor problems. Quite frankly, I fail to see
how Sugar Haters Anonymous managed to bring this to court. I am quite confident that once the judge reviews the case he will
see things our way."
With both sides confident that they are assured
victory, the only thing we can do is sit and watch. The trial, which takes place next week will not only determine the fate
of jawbreakers, but will also determine the happiness of children across Peach Creek.
~Dr. Eric PHD~
(JBC Physician)
Entertainment Ed
"The Lord of the Plank" Opens In Theaters
By Tyler Ferronetti
Plank has been starring in a new epic film called,"The Lord of the Plank."
It's starring himself and directed and written by Jonny.Coryography,music,sound and special effects are
provided by Edd.It's also starring:Ed,Rolf,Nazz,Kevin and also starring Elijah Wood and Ian Mckellan.The group has been working
on the film for over a year and it has finally open to theaters.It had a red carpet opening in Peach Creek yesterday at midnight.
The movie already is selling millions of tickets.
Here are some reviews by Peach Creek Kids:
Kevin's Review: **(2 stars out of 5)
Even though I was in it,I just wanted to be around Nazz and to impress her.I thought it was a real DORKFEST.
Jimmy's review: ***1/2(3 and 1/2 stars out of 5)
"What a terrific movie but Kevin was a bad actor."
Here's a Review by Peach Creek movie critic,Blake Ferronetti(My bro):
The Lord of the Plank
{PG-13](for unepic battle sequences,violence,stupid images,and some language)
Running Time:2 hrs 57 mins.
Blake's Review: *****(5 stars out of 5)
"This is an amazing motion picture event!EVERYTHIG(directing,screenplay everything)IS TERRIFIC!!!It's worthy
of next year's acadamy awards.
This movie is guaranteed to sell out tickets on Saturday
and Sunday.People are already seeing it and are excited for the upcoming sequel,"The Lord of the Plank:The Two Houses."
Here's a listing for the Peach Creek Theaters:
Peach Creek Octaplex
The Lord of the Plank{PG-13} -on 4 screens-
10:00,10:30,11:00,11:30,2:00,2:30,3;00,3:30,5:00,5:30,7:00,7;30,9:00,9;30
The Gravy of Time{G} -on 2 screens-
10:00,10:30,1:00,1:30,4:00,4:30,7:00,7:30,10:00,10:30
Mosnter!{PG-13} 3:00,6:00,9:00,*12:00Am showing Friday & Saturday only*
Mr.Yum-Yum:The Movie{G}10:00AM,12:30PM
We Don't Believe:The Edco Movie{PG}
10:00,1:00,7:00
The Hairless Otter{PG} 4:00PM
You can check out More information at:
~By Tyler Ferronetti~
(Entertainment Ed and Freelance Writer)
Ed-vertisement
*An independent company is renting this week's ad please come back tommorow*
Affiliates
JBC 2005
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for sheer entertainment. No infringement is intended.
The
Jawbreaker Chronicleİ 2002-2006 All Articles are the original ideas of the staff
members of the site. The creator isn't liable for any content taken by staff members. Please don't take our articles. If you
would like to use one please email the Editor.
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