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Issue 9
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Heres the new issue. Thanks for everyone that is sending in the Ed quotes. We will get to them as fast as we can. Thanks for supporting us.
~JBC Staff~

Ed Caught in Bed Scam

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The Ed's decided last week that they were going to open up there own bed business. They had many styles of matresses and beds. One of the styles was the Ed bed which wasn't a major hit. However, one person did try it out which caused back pains and a very bad smell after lying on it for an hour. The person to blame for this is Ed because he excepted the blame saying "What can you do when you live in a shoe but you ain't got no soul?" Which really didn't make any sense. The Eds have decided to close down this business due to the lack of trust of their customers. The bed itself consisted of Ed, a pillow and springs that allowed Ed to remain still and elevated. The soft exterior that wasn't supported by a wood frame caused very bad pressure points that upsetted the customers back. Eds stench caused a minor rash which was easily taken care of. Still the Eds insist that it wasn't there fault.
~Justin~
(JBC Headliner)

Sports-Ed
Edd Wrestles Again?

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The second wrestle between the Kankers and Edd has risen again! By finding the old dressing room in the
city sewage system as it was still in good condition. As Ed and eddy started to dress him,
I reported what he thought about what was going to happen.

Connie: Double d how do you feel about fighting again

Edd: I feel unsanitary, mother taught me to not hit girls.

Connie: Have you ever physically or mentally hurt someone?

Edd: Never would I do that as long as I live!

Connie: Than why are you accepting the fact that you are fighting the Kankers?

Edd: Do you think I wanted to?

And off rang the bell as the Kankers stepped onto the arena. Double D trembled on the arena
with fright. As Ed stepped on the arena the opponents stepped to the center. Ed blew his whistle,
oops wrong endAnd blew his whistle. Edd stepped back while the Kankers walked for him.
Lee Kanker jumped right onto his back and flipped him over. as Edd hit the floor they went charging
for him. Ed ran onto the arena and counted to three as Edd was down. Kankers Win again.

"Sock head didn't even make a move! What a sap!" Said Eddy.
After the Kankers actually got off Edds body, Jawbreaker Chronicle's Dr. Eric  reported that Edd
had a triple fracture in his upper right arm, a chipped hip, and a sever possible broken nose.
As Eddward heals and rests in hospitality he will never fight again.
(~Connie Huggett~)

(JBC Writer of Sports-Ed)

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Peach Creek Health News
 
Edd's Medical Journal
Eddy Sighted
Yesterday while walking through the junkyard to visit Planks family, Johnny and Plank spotted what they claim to be Eddy. "He was all covered with dirt, Plank thought he looked like a mud wrestler," Johnny told JBC earlier this afternoon. As we all know, just last week Eddy was hulled off to a mental rehabilitation for failing a government sponsored inkblot test. Having decided to follow up on these sightings, we set off to the junkyard in an attempt to find Eddy. 

When we arrived at the junkyard, we immediately noticed a discarded nametag on the ground. More specifically, it was a mental institute identification card with Eddy scrawled across it. Now thoroughly intrigued, we quickly split up to look around for any other signs of Eddy. Within the hour, however, nothing new was discovered so JBC decided to "collect" Double D and Ed in the hopes that they would know anything about Eddys whereabouts. 

When Double D and Ed finally arrived we interrogaerr questioned them about Eddys whereabouts. "I have no idea where Eddy is," said Double D when questioned, "In fact I havent heard from him since he was taken away. I still think this whole thing is a complete and utter misunderstanding." Not sure whether Double D was telling the truth or not, we could only turn to Ed and hope that some intelligence would show itself. "I dont know where Eddy iswhats that Eddy? You want me to grow fangs like a vampire and suck out the blood of a goat?" Quickly turning around, we spotted Eddy, dressed in tattered mental institute garbs, hunched over a couple of tires. Realizing that he had been seen, Eddy promptly turned and dashed away, running for an exit. Having no other alternative, we equipped one of the elephant tranquilizer guns left by the health officials. Carefully taking aim, a dart was fired hitting Eddy before he could escape. 

Though Eddy was safely secured, an on site medic was not quite able to say when he would wake up. The only estimate he could give us is between two hours and a month. Having many questions about how Eddy escaped and what he will do now that he is free of the mental institute, the only thing we can do is wait until he regains consciousness. It is only then that this riddle can finally be answered.

~Dr. Eric PHD.~

(JBC Medical Writer)

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Behind The Ed
Eddy's Obsession With Cash


Itseems that Eddy likes only two things, jawbreakers and money.  Not matter what happens to him he willalways try to get them no matter the cost. So I decided to ask Eddy himself about it.

Emily: Hey Eddy, mind if I interview you?
Eddy: Hey hey! Sure, but it'll cost you 25 cents.
Emily: Yeah whatever, anyways I've noticed you have an extreame obsession with money and candy.
Eddy: Yeah what's your point?
Emily: Well why are you obsessed with money?
Eddy: Well it's money, and money can be used to buy jawbreakers.
Emily: Well why jawbreakers? isn't there anything else you like?
Eddy: Are you kidding? jawbreakers are the best there is! Theres no other candy worthbuying.
Emily: Right.
Eddy: I'm getting paid for this right?
Emily: What's your main way of receiving money?
Eddy: Scams of course! Me Double D and Ed scam all the kids in the Culde-sac.
Emily: I'm guessing you don't do very well?
Eddy: It's not the scams! It's Jonny! He and Plank always ruin my best scams!
Emily: Oh yes, I've heard about that.  How does he ruin them?
Eddy: Right when I'm about to get paid they show up and destroy it.
Emily: I see.
Eddy: So when exactly are you paying me?
Emily: Well that's all for the interview, thanks Eddy. Goodbye!
Eddy: Hey! What about my cash!

Well that was all for the interview.  I would have asked more questions, but Eddy wouldn't do it without pay.

~Emily~

(JBC Reporter for Behind The Ed)


Business-Ed
Ed's Fish Market Boosts Stocks

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The Peach Creek Stocks made a killing this week all thanks to Ed's Fish Market. A total of two dollars was made in the course of one day to the sale of three fish and an eel. "The stocks went way up which will really help the economy." States a Peach Creek Stock Exchanger. The Eds plan on adding new fish and other sea food to the selection in hopes of more people buying them.
~Justin~
(JBC Business Major)

Ed-Vertisement

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The New "Ed Cola"
 
The best thirst quencher around
 
and its only 25 cents
 
so get one now! while they're still cold!

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The Jawbreaker Chronicleİ 2002-2006 All Articles are the original ideas of the staff members of the site. The creator isn't liable for any content taken by staff members. Please don't take our articles. If you would like to use one please email the Editor.

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