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Well we finally got our new format done so enjoy. There are many new sections added such as Sports Ed. Behind the Ed is back with a new young reporter from Peach Creek herself. Rolf couldn't go forward with his advice column so Double-D has volunteered to help out. There will be no Peach Creek Business news this issue because no exciting things have happened there yet this week. So thanks for your patience.
~JBC Staff~

Top Stories

Jimmy Scams The Eds Again?

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Jimmy has once again scammed the Eds. How is that possible you ask? Well yesterday it was a typical day in Peach Creek when Eddy upset Jimmy by calling him a diaper rash baby. Eddy:" Well he is!" Jimmy then ran home crying. Instead of telling Sarah he devised his own plan. He began work on what was to be in his words "The best scammy wammy in the whole world!" His plan was to leave a trail of quarters that would lead to the Kanker's Trailer. Why would the Eds fall for this? Well when it comes to money they really don't think well except Double-D. Jimmy knew he had to take Edd out of the picture because really he likes Edd better than Eddy and well Ed just scares him. So by getting Edd occupied with many books and locking him in a room, Jimmy put his plan into action. By leaving a trail of quarters Eddy quickly began to follow them and collect them while giggling the whole way. The next image would haunt them for the rest of their lives. The Kankers were waiting and pounced on Ed and Eddy and began pulling them into the trailer. We didn't see them again until an hour had gone by. Eddy shoved the tape recorder away while Ed said "Hi Mom!" Edd was later released and Jimmy basked in his glory saying that he had gotten the Eds not just once but twice.

~Justin~

(JBC Editor and Top Story Writer)

 

Sports-Ed

A Day At The Races

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(This picture was shot on location)

The race started out swift and smooth starting from the tallest hill in Peach Creek. The candy store would be closing in five minutes so the racers lined up at the starting line. All the kids lined up and awaited the signal from Edd. The signal went and the race had begun. "Kevin is such a cheater using his bike" Sarah said. But Kevin ended up with a flat tire from running over a piece of barbed wire from Peach Creek Dump's fence. The racers were all shocked when Nazz's skate wheel hit a stick and send her flying through the air which sprained her ankle. Double D was far behind, same with the rest of the Eds. "If only sock head got a little exercise he would of caught up with me and Ed" Eddy said. The Person in the lead so far was Jonny 2x4 and Plank, until Jonny dropped Plank and tripped over him. "I almost made it, until plank distracted me! The little dickens" explained Jonny to the Jawbreaker chronicle. Only one minute left until closing time for the candy store. Rolf  leaned forward on Wilfred and dashed right off. Rolf was in the lead, and won the race! He made it 30 seconds early and bought his jawbreakers and a few other things with his prize money. "I was so thankful for this race I have won, much more thankful than my father's used handkerchief!" The rest of the racers were upset to see themselves lose. Heres some small dialogue after the race. Ed:"I say the cheese is always twice the fence post"   Eddy: "I wish I had a fence post Ed." I couldn't have said it better myself.

~Connie Huggett~

(JBC Sports Writer)

PEACH CREEK HEALTH NEWS
By: Dr. Eric PHD

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Obituaries

Today, the lately departed Mr. and Mrs. Plank were laid to rest. The late parents of Plank, they passed away while on a tour of Peach Creek. Feeling stiff as a board, they were unable to duck in time to avoid being cut down.

Mr. and Mrs. Plank were axed out from the strongest tree in the Redwood forest. Though they forever called it home, the couple decided to dig themselves up and move to Kentucky where the couple soon took root. Mr. Plank got himself a job as a back-scratcher, while Mrs. Plank worked as an agronomist. Soon after settling down, little Plank was sprouted. The couple was overjoyed with their sapling and kept him well watered and tanned. Before long, however, it was time for Plank to move on. Leafing his family behind, Plank took off and moved to Peach Creek. Once there he met Johnny 2X4 and the two became fast friends. The rest, as it were, is history.

Among those gathered at the funeral were Plank, Johnny, Stumpy (Plank's granddad), and a variety of sub-contractors. Though all present felt a deep sense of remorse, Plank took the death the hardest. His heart was so splintered and full of paper cuts that all attempts to communicate with him left those around him feeling as if they were talking to a block of wood.

Before the couple was cremated in Johnny's fireplace, Johnny delivered a stirring eulogy.
"They here fine folks, who were cut down in their prime," Johnny exclaimed, wiping the tears from his eyes. "I just can't believe they're gone. It's like I always said...ooohh."

The funeral came to an abrupt end as Johnny spotted a discarded piece of paper and picked it up. Promptly naming it Spunky, he exclaimed to everyone that he now had a new friend.

Disgusted by this lack of respect, Plank stormed off leaving Johnny prancing around like a unicorn. It is hard to tell if Plank and Johnny will make up soon, but right now there relationship is paper-thin and liable to snap at any moment.

Eric -JBC Reporter-

Please Visit Plank's Relief Fund. He will really appreciate it.

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Behind The Ed
Ed's Objects Of Desire
 
Lately I have wondered why Ed likes the things he does. So I decided to try to get an interview with Ed myself. Luckily I was able to catch him as he was leaving Eddy's house.
 
Emily: Ed can I get a minute with you?
 
Ed: Um... ok!
 
Emily: Great, Ed first off why do you enjoy such weird objects.
 
Ed: What do you mean?
 
Emily: Like chickens for instance.
 
Ed: Chicken where?! Pet the chicken! Pet the chicken!
 
Emily: Ed there is no chickens.
 
Ed: Ok
 
Emily: So why do you like them?
 
Ed: Because chickens are so cuddly and so soft like mash potatos... yum.
 
Emily: Ok? So why do you like buttered toast and gravy?
 
Ed: I don't know maybe because they are not just food but a way of life.
 
Emily: How are they a way of life?
 
Ed: I don't know they just are!
 
Emily: Ok sorry Ed. Next question.
 
Emily: Why don't you clean your room?
 
Ed: Cleaning room bad for Ed!
 
I was unable to go on with the interview because Ed ran off after that last question screaming. You may think Ed is a little weird but deep down inside of us all there is a little bit of Ed.
 
~Emily~
(JBC Behind The Ed Specialist)

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Business ED
 
The Ed's new club house project fell through last week after a Kanker invasion. The club house has been completely destroyed and all profits have gone missing. The Eds are completely confused on how this unfortunate event happened. Edd: " I'm completely shocked to why they did this. We never bothered them."
The Eds have no intention to rebuild the club house because they know it will just happen again. Eddy decided just to go back to regular scams again. But, the Kankers are sure to ruin those plans as well. The Eds still push forward in life which makes them perfect for the business section.
~Justin~
(JBC Business Correspondent) 

Edd's Advice Column

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Have questions? Well Im here to answer them. I hope you find my advice helpful. Well lets get started shall we?

Dear Edd, I think my friends are making fun of me behind my back. What Should I do?

--Chris N.

Edd: Dear Chris, if your friends are making fun of you behind your back, then they're not really your friends. Heres some ideas to catch them in the act.

Ask them whats up. If they dont tell you, then try to catch them in the act. Video tape it or something. I wouldn't use flash photograhpy, as that might draw attention to you. Ask a good friend to keep an eye on them. If they really are making fun of you, then dump them. Find friends who will love you no matter what.
~Edd~

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Eddy's Weight Loss Program

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work out session -25 cents

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The Jawbreaker Chronicleİ 2002-2006 All Articles are the original ideas of the staff members of the site. The creator isn't liable for any content taken by staff members. Please don't take our articles. If you would like to use one please email the Editor.

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