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Issue 28
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Laugh Ed Laugh

Its good to be back! Enjoy Issue 28 and since this is our first issue in a while some of the staff are still returning so expect to see us at full strength next week.
 
 

JBC Top Story

Guess who's back!

JBC Returns
 
Hearing that the JBC is back has sparked many different comments. Some of the comments were great while the other ones were um... terrible. Seeing the staff move back in was a site to see. I've never seen so many explosions in my life. I took the time to interview a couple people while the others carried my stuff in to my new office.  The office has had a whole new story added on to it as well as two new flights of stairs. Well anyway I had time to interview people while the rest of the staff were trying to hunt me down and beat to a pulp for making them lug my stuff up two flights of stairs.
Justin: Jimmy what do you think of the JBC moving back in?
Jimmy: You're moving back in? The calmness of the Culde-sac will once again be broken! Waa!!
 
Justin: Double-D despite our last run in how do you feel about the JBC moving back in?
 
Edd: Well I think its great personally its been kind of dull around here since you been gone. There hasn't really been any floods or major explosions since you left.
 
While some of the citizens shun us and others embrace us we will always be around to get the full stories of the Culde-sac. Now if only I could go back to the JBC without being hit with something.
 
~Justin
(JBC Staff Editor)
 
 

JBC Gossip Column

Kankers!

Kanker's Strike Again?
 
Connie has been missing for a long period of time and  rumor has it that she's been kidnapped and held hostage is true then someone better rescue her or we could just leave her there, she wrote terrible gossip anyways. It is still uknown what the Kankers want but the JBC is adding a lot of security to the building in case the Kankers try to attack again. It is speculated that the Kankers are angered with the JBC's return. But from the looks of it it seems that no one really cares which is the typical JBC attitude.
 
~Lynn
(JBC Gossip Writer)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Random Thoughts From the Culde-sac

Its not joke when its broke

 
JBC Repairs
 
Well it’s been a while, but we’re finally back. If you thought that we had all been lounging around lazily, carefree, basking in the summer sun, you were wrong! That’s right, in our pitiful attempt to prove otherwise, I am now going to reveal the fruits of our labor.

Number one, you will now notice that the title of my column has been renamed. Yes it was a long, arduous task that involved a panel of professionals, but we finally decided on a name. And what a name it is, I mean who else could come up with something so brilliant besides the JBC crew. For those of you thinking that the title reflects on the quality and content of this column, you couldn’t be more mistaken. It is, in fact, an attempt to describe the condition of the human psyche in order to accurately enlighten the readers of this column to the potential harmful effects of utter nonsense. In other words, for those with a confused look on their faces, too bad.

Next on our list we have the color scheme of the web site. You may look at the site and notice that it is exactly the same. But is it? Yes, actually it is. This was a critical decision made by the JBC in order to provide a constant on the site so that you, the viewers, would recognize what you were looking at by color alone. Why is this important? It allows us to feed off the energy waves emitted by all who visit this site by sending your brain waves through a trans-dimensional portal and into a collection pool at the staff headquarters. Just kidding….

You may remember that not to long ago the JBC headquarters was damaged by a Kanker attack. Well, we’ve been hard at work so now the JBC floor plan has been updated to show the damage suffered. What, you thought we’d repair the damage? Last a checked you weren’t paying us to write this newspaper. Heck, I don’t even know where Justin gets the money to pay us. Wait a second…

Finally, we have used this break to immerse ourselves into the Ed, Edd, n Eddy world and gather minor details that others may have missed. Did you know that Double D is really an alien from another planet? Neither did I, but the editor told me to put that in.

Seriously though folks, it’s good to be back. So until next time, keep on swinging that bat. Kaa-king!

~Dr. Eric

(JBC Physician)

Sports Ed

Good idea or Bad idea?

 
                     Rugby? Good idea or Bad Idea?
 
This saturday, as Kevin and Sarah were in a feud over sports or ballet, the Kankers broke in and captured everyone gathered at the even, escapees include - Dr. Eric, Justin, Nazz, and Jimmy. The rest of us were caught in the middle of it all. So of course as we all awaited our beating a possible Kanker rampage I had a brain storm, RUGBY! It was the first thing to come to mind when I saw the bees nest land on Eddy's rug carpet. I, at the risk of a broken everything, stood up to Lee and suggested that instead of causing millions in damage and rumbling the earth, they play Rugby football against Kevin, Ed and Rolf while Sarah joins their team (Marie was tracking down Edd so she wasn't present).
 
They accepted, especially after I promised them all a date with the Eds for a win (which they risked signing a contract to never destroy the cul-de-sac again). And Ed was especially eager after I told him that a jawbreaker will pop out of the football if he wins.
 
The game started, Rolf was covering Lee, an almost even match so there wasn't much there, however since Ed had a fear of May and Sarah it became quite a problem. Kevin didn't exactly match Sarah or May's strength so they were the first to score, no extra point since Lee played a Charlie Brown on Sarah. 6-0 as the first quarter expired. In the second quarter rolled in with Rolf plowing through the kankers after an insult was made to his heritage which exploded his strength to match that of.... ummm... That Comic-book character guy with the big S on his shirt. 6-7 as Kevin did a great kick.
 
The half time show was Eddy's performance of a Tom Jones song and an Al Green ballad. With Jonny and Plank doing back up dancing with Sarah doing some ballet during the whole thing, it sounded like rats being eaten by wolves at a Celine Deon concert (we feel your pain, Canada).
 
After everyone recovered their hearing the third quarter started and it was heating up. Not the game, the sun was beating down harder then a baseball bat wielding zombie onto the skull of Einstein trying to get to his tasty brain. pretty dull here though, neither team could see well enough from the sun to be able to do anything. Before the fourth quarter came, Jonny brought some sunglasses made of Lint and soda bottles, which were quickly discarded as we gave everyone some "borrowed" sunglasses from Jimmy's house. Then the clock was started.
 
At start, a swift move by Rolf, getting to the end-zone where Kevin made a pass, that was intercepted by Lee and passed to may bringing the Kankers to the lead; the interception involved knocking Rolf out by the way. Kevin's hat was taken by May and he was caught in a game of "monkey in the middle" with his hat between Kankers. Sarah threatened to tell mom that Ed didn't clean his room if he didn't give here the ball ensuring the victory for the Kankers. Before it was known Ed and Eddy were wisked away to the Kankers trailer where they remained until a certain superhero with a melon covering his head allowed them a mercy freeing.
 
There it is, the only sports event to occur for weeks, which I ended up starting, sometimes you have to make news to report it.
 
~Jon
(Sports Ed Writer)

Business Ed

They call him Mr. Ed!

Recent Upgrades?

Since the JBC has returned I decided that we needed to upgrade. While some may say all of these objects are a waste of money I say, "Hey its not your money!" Anyway the new improvements include a new fourth story building which is my office. Some say its too big but I think its just spacious. The staff have recieved larger offices including Dr. Eric who has another two inches to work with. I've installed walking conveyor belts because who doesn't get tired of walking? Now we needed something new for our security system because the bucket of water over the door wasn't cutting it. So I invested (cough) fifty thousand dollars by buying twelve attack robots. These babies can stop a Kanker invasion in minutes. They're so cool and its so much fun to make them attack Jon and here him scream like a little girl. The JBC space station has also been updated with a new escape pod since I have to follow safety regulations now. In order to pay for all of this stuff the staff wage has been cut drastically. Some may say why do you need all of this junk? My answer is because we can.
 
~Justin
(JBC Business Major)

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