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Issue 21
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Sorry for the lack of updating. We are still currently cleaning up after the Kanker Attack. Everything looks much better but we still havn't been able to get that desk out of the wall. Oh well here's issue 21. We know that you'll love it.
~JBC Staff~

"A Paper for the Eds by the Ed Fans"  JBC 2004

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Kanker Aftermath: Justin's Story

 After glancing around in the dark I realized that I was on the second floor. I was behind a desk that was tipped over after the Kankers came rushing in. The alarm some how didn't sound. It was almost like they disabled it. I walked over to one of the fallen guards. He was knocked out cold. The only reason we really need guards is because of Dr. Eric's mal practice suits. You'd be surprised how angry someone will get when they have the wrong leg amputated. The radio garbled the same message over and over again. "Intruders level two." I knew that my only hope was to reach the third floor. I walked down the dark corridor until I reached the stair entrance. Just as I began to climb the stairs I heard foot steps coming from behind me. I immediately took cover behind the water fountain. "Now where's that Editor? I need to talk to him about my own issue." Apparently it was me that they were after. I thought to myself why couldn't they be after another staff member.  I waited until the footsteps faded and began climbing the stairs to the third story. I began wondering about the other staff members. The last thing I saw was Jonathan being pulled out of his office screaming. I shuddered to think about what had happened to all of them. I finally made it to the top floor where I was surprised to see Dr. Eric's office still intact. I forgot we even had this room. You know I could use this as storage space. But I began to focus more on the problem at hand. Finally I made it to my office. And with a quick touch of a button there was my private space pod. I looked inside of it and found Dr. Eric in a fetal position sitting on the floor. I decided not to kick him out incase we didn't have time to launch to the JBC space station. That way I could use him as payment to the Kankers. I went ahead and sealed the door and waited for the count down.

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 Kanker Aftermath: Dr. Eric's Story

 

            I looked around my pitch black office, or rather felt around, trying to find the manual release switch. Indeed, due to my foresight I had installed a manual switch for just such an emergency. Finally feeling the switch, I opened the panel and pulled the lever. I waited as and listened, and in the far distance I heard a ringing sound. Good, it was working! I pulled the switch again, and again I heard the ringing sound. One minute past, and then I finally heard the sound of shoes walking towards my door. A clang sounded outside and the sound of a blowtorch igniting echoed off the walls of my office. Good old Winstin, I thought to myself. It was a good thing that the JBC provided me with my own butler. After all, the money they saved on taxes, thanks to my office, was quite considerable. A few minutes past, when finally the metal door began to redden and melt away. As the last of the hinges were melted off the door I shouted, “Back away Winstin!” and kicked the door open. Racing outside, I looked to see if Winstin was okay. He seemed a little scuffed up, but no worse than usual. “Come Winstin!” I shouted, “ We have to get out of here!”

 

          “But what about the others?” he replied. He glanced down the hall, where screams could be heard.

 

          “There’s no time!” I responded, “We have to get to the JBC Station!” With that I ran down the hall to the super secret panel that only Justin and I knew about. Putting in the super secret access code, I waited impatiently while the equipment completed the super secret retina scan. One minute later, and twenty super secret security checks later, Winstin and I entered the door revealed by the panel and strapped ourselves into the take-off seats. Yes, if you haven’t guessed it by now, the JBC has a space station. And not just any space station, the biggest, baddest, most cost-effective space station ever built. Using funds from classified sources, we managed to complete the station in only two months. By employing spaceships from Russia and employing the latest in stealth technology, we have been able to keep the JBC Station hidden from prying eyes. Complete with a super sensitive satellite for observations, a chemistry lab, computers, and a coffee grinder, the JBC Station is equipped for our every needs. This includes emergency evacuations.

 

          Buckling myself in tight, I hit the seal door button and began the pre-flight checks. I was halfway through the checks when I heard a scratching at the door, fearing it was the Kankers I froze. “Let me in!” I heard a voice shout out. It was Justin! I quickly opened the door, then closed it as soon as Justin had gotten in.

 

          “How did you escape the Kankers?” I asked him.

 

          “Long story,” he replied, “Now will you hurry up and get out of here?”

 

          “Right.” Having finished my preflight checks, I hit the ignition button and braced for lift off. The rocket shuddered and then all went still.

 

----To be continued

~Dr. Eric~

(JBC Physician)

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Peach Creek Gossip Column
Video Game Queen Loses Title to an Imbecile
 
Last Sunday at the Arcade next to the candystore, unsuspectingly Rolf attended only to see what was so great about it, little did JBC staff member Lynn, know her video game wizard title was about to be taken away. While enjoying the last minutes of her fame, lynn amused the crowd as usual with her astonishing high scores. No one was able to beat her score of 9,0000, till Rolf took interest in the game. He approached her , startling her so bad, she messed up and lost, as she got up and started to walk off, Rolf sat down and began to play the game. He looked very excited, since he's never done anything like this before. Lynn continued walking away till she came to a pause, and saw her crowd gathered around rolf. She was immeadiately stuck with jealousy, she couldnt believe that Rolf, this odd foreign kid who never played a game like this before, beat her score of 9,0000 points.
She stood and watched as her fame slipped away, but she still had the determination to earn her respect of the crowd back. But nothing she could do now, so she walked away, pretending she didnt care. luckily I was able to ask her a few questions before she left.
 
C.E: So Lynn, you've lost your video game wizard title to Rolf, how does that feel?
Lynn: I feel rather embarassed, I can't believe he topped my score, I thought it was impossible for anyone else.
C.E: Well what are you going to do now?
Lynn: I'm not a quiter, I wont let him get all the glory. I will do whatever it takes to get my good name back, and I mean anything.
C.E: This wouldnt include you getting revenge on Rolf would it?
Lynn: *smirks* You know, you're not only a good reporter, but a smart person as well, thankyou for the idea, dearie.
C.E: Darn me... well anyways what would you do to get back at him?
Lynn: when it comes to revenge, I have all the best ideas, I'll get him back, you'll see, as a matter of fact, everyone will see.
C.E: What's the worst you could do?
Lynn: Now why would I tell you? If I told you, you'd probably tell someone stupid like Ed, and then my plans would be foiled..... Just wait and see alright?
C.E: alright, good luck with getting your title back.
 
Wow I hope whatever she does, she doesnt get caught haha, well that's all for now, till next time.
 -C.E-

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Top Story

Tunnels Found in the Culde-Sac

Lately in the Culde-sac there have been many strange discoveries.  There has been an increase in hairstyles incredibly similar to Rolf's, and apparently someone in the neighborhood has been posing as a dentist, and is destroying the teeth of all the children.  As strange as these events are, I believe none of these are as strange as another recent discovery, the appearance of tunnels under the Culde-sac.  Not just in yards though, under houses as well.  So far the deepest tunnel found was over 25 feet deep!  Many would blame these diggings on some kind of gopher, but others argue no ordinary animal could have done this.  Many residents are very upset about these tunnels because they are destroying everything they come under.  Whatever has made these tunnels even broke through concrete, and has been destroying some houses.  One particular resident, Rolf, is especially furious.  As many know, Rolf grows many things and raises many animals.  After these tunnels started appearing, his yard was destroyed, and his garden collapsed.

            "What fool has done this to Rolf!? They have defiled Rolf's vegetables! When Rolf gets his hands on the fool he will squash them into the ground!"

            I decided to explore these tunnels, and found that they have a very interesting design.  Not only do the tunnels lead deep into the ground, they also have sub tunnels leading to several areas like the Playground and various houses.  No one knows who or what created these tunnels, but there are rumors that Ed, Edd, and Eddy had something to do with it.  People are examining the tunnels to find any clues as to the cause of these tunnels, and they will inform me when any new leads are found.

~Emily~

(JBC Reporter)

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Just one of our very different robots

Business Ed
 
Dr. Eric Names Edd as Head of JBC Security
 
Just after the Kanker invasion Dr. Eric and Double D met at the JBC Space station to talk about the JBC's security system in the future.  During the meeting Double-D brought up a couple security systems that he was currently working on. All he needed was someone to test it. So naturally me loving to see pain and discomfort decided to call in Tyler the JBC intern. Double-D then connected some wires over and to the door and pushed a button. Tyler proceeded to walk through until multiple laser shots pelted him until he was on the ground.
"Impressive" said Dr. Eric as the last laser hit. "Yes but I think we need to see the other security systems at work."
So then I saw the one that I was most interested in. Double-D brought out five robots. He then yelled intruder and amazingly the robots fired even more lasers at Tyler knocking him to the ground once again. So I picked the robots as the new security at the JBC. We did a few more tests with them but I didn't care I just liked the fact that they shot laser beams. So now we have cool robot guards that roll on wheels around the JBC shooting lasers at intruders. Yep life is great here at the JBC. You know this may not tie into Business Ed but come on they shoot lasers!
~Justin~
(JBC Business Major)
 

Ed-vertisement

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Fountain of Youth
never worry about getting old!
for the mere price of 50 cents
you can swim in Eddys Fountain of Youth
so you can stay young and good looking forever,
 but not as good looking as Eddy
only 50 cents!

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Episode Review
As you all know Take this Ed and Shove it aired last week. Well I decided to go ahead and give my thoughts about any new Ed episode.
 
"Take this Ed and Shove it" was one of the weirdest Ed episodes that I have seen in a while since "Rock a bye Ed". I found it very disturbing to see Kevin at the age of ninety years old. But, Ed losing control of his bladder was priceless. The episode was completely new and very interesting. It had it's disturbing moments and it's hilarious moments. Nazz as a dentist scares me but Jonny as a gopher wow who didn't see that one coming.(sarcasm) Anyway that was one of the funniest ones that I have seen yet. So I give it four out of five chickens.
~Justin~
(JBC Editor)

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The Jawbreaker Chronicleİ 2002-2006 All Articles are the original ideas of the staff members of the site. The creator isn't liable for any content taken by staff members. Please don't take our articles. If you would like to use one please email the Editor.

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