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Issue 23
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Happy Holidays from The Jawbreaker Chronicle!

www.los3eds.com
From Los3eds.com

Happy Holidays Everyone! Here's issue 23 and just to let you know the staff has the next two weeks off due to the holidays. So we will be back after Christmas. So hope you enjoy this issue and have happy holidays! We will see you in 2005!
~JBC Staff

Annual Christmas Celebration Turns Violent

"Oh Christmas tree oh Christmas tree"

What is normally the quiet Christmas celebration that is held at the culde-sac every December turned into a very noisy and confusing celebration. Normally a tree is decorated with lights and the whole nine yards. Then the kids will sing carols around the tree. Well this year Eddy had an idea about how to make some quick cash. He roped off the tree and began charging admission to go around it. Obviously the kids were very angry. Kevin insisted on punching Eddy in the face but was stopped by Nazz who said
"Kevin don't be a jerk its Christmas!"
Well seeing as Kevin would never go against Nazz's orders he went along with them despite Eddy smirking. The night was going by pretty fast and it seemed that the celebration wouldn't occur. Just as the kids were about to pay, Nazz was summoned to her house. After seeing that Nazz had left the kids pounced on Eddy until he agreed to let them celebrate for free. While the other kids danced around the tree in good cheer Eddy was at home nursing a black eye, a bite mark, a sprained ankle, and a pinch mark.
"How's a guy supposed to make an honest buck?!" Exclaimed Eddy while I was interviewing him. Double D explained to me that Eddy hasn't really found the Christmas spirit which brings up that important question. Will Eddy ever find the true meaning of Christmas? In this reporter's opinion probably not.
 
~Justin
(JBC Top Story Reporter)

Sports-Ed
Battle on the Diamond Week Two
 

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Alright everyone, this week the cul-de-sac's baseball play offs are underway. To help support this event, today we have Plank here as a guest commentator so today should be pretty eventful. The home team today is Kevin's team so that means that Eddy is up to bat.
  On the mound today is Kevin, so let's see what'll happen. Plank, any comments before we start?
  “  
  "Okay... I'll just... keep on commentating then..."
  Those were my last words before falling asleep of boredom. Luckily I had a video camera taping (it wasn't really mine; it was the JBC company camera, something straight out of 1988. It was filming incase I couldn't pull off this Sports writing thing, so I will be able to give you a walkthrough of the game thanks to Dr. Eric not being able to resist a bribe). It started with Eddy's team up to bat, they all struck out, and as for Kevin's team, they got one run when no one could bear to stop Nazz. In the second inning Ed smacked one out of the park with Eddy on base from being hit by one of Kevin's pitches so that put the Eds in the lead.
  Kevin struck out because of Johnny's constant jabbering as a catcher and that lost all hope as Sarah did the same. When it was Jimmy's turn to bat he broke his arm trying to swing the bat so he was taken out of the game and Double D was benched to even the odds. In the third inning Eddy hit the pitcher with the bat, which just happened to be 'dropped' in Kevin's direction so he was put back to the end of the line-up. Johnny came up to bat and couldn't hit the ball because he 'saw Plank's brother in it' and that made two outs and because of the redone rules that pretty much ends it for the Eds in this game. Can Kevin pull out? We'll see.
  Well Nazz went back up to bat, and Eddy couldn't throw straight and she ended up being walked. Kevin came up to bat, the ball almost hit Nazz, but Johnny placed his forehead in the way, and according to Rolf got Kevin out... Well it ended with Sarah up to bat and she smacked it right to Ed, but he didn't want to make Sarah mad and it ended up going all the way into the right field, ending the game with the Eds: 2 and Kevin's team: 3.
  Kevin wins this one, but Eddy challenged him to a best two out of three so it looks like this sports writer will be busy for a few more weeks, and I thought I was going to have a break, I mean, Hooray! Well, this is either going to end in a painful loss for Eddy and a useless gain for Kevin, or a painful loss for Kevin and a tasty victory for Eddy. Either way it really doesn't matter because I'm not going to have to cover it for about a week.

~Jonathan

(JBC Sports Writer)

JBC Gossip Column
Who is Dr. Eric?
 

Who is he?

Who is Dr. Eric? Is he a fraud or just a lazy bum? Where is he from and how did he ever become a doctor? These are age old questions that most of you probably ask yourselves everytime you read one of his articles. Rumor has it that he became a doctor because on the interview day the entire scheduled interviewees came down with the flu or at least thats what he told us. He later left the profession due to many lawsuits which he still owes money to this day. He picked up the job at the JBC just to lay low but has now decided to make it his career. But, why doesn't he turn in his articles on time? Well simply put he is extremely lazy. He barely ever comes out of his office so none of us really see him. He's also selfish take the incident when I tried to reach the escape pod and he simply shoved me aside and got on. I later ran down the hall where I had to face the Kankers. Rumor has it is that he is trying to date one of the Kanker sisters. And it is also said that he despises Justin the editor due to the fact that Justin has his own space station. Is this true? Well if not it still is pretty funny.
~Connie
(JBC Gossip Writer)
 

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Freelance Article

Robot Rebel Ranch 2: The Review

 

The movie takes place where RRR left off.Only one was left after the battle. A giant ship picks him up and he reports what had happened. The space military, a group of people, and the guy go back to the robot planet to not only find out a new breed of even more fierce robots, but the leader(In RRR poster and up top left corner)is still alive!

It soon leads too a very gory battle, and to find out half alien/half robot creatures are being spawned!

Tyler's Review: **

Well, the first movie was better, this one was a pretty good movie, but this is just a plain movie with special FX run amok. It’s like Aliens mixed with Star Wars and the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. The movie is just a mindless rip-off of Aliens. It has western stuff in it, but a little less than the first. What's with the half alien/half robot creature?

This movie came out, Wednesday December 8.The film is racking in lots of money.

Let's here some more reviews:

Kevin's Review: **

This movie sucked eggs. The original was better I snuck in to see it.

Ed's Review:***1/2

I went to see it with Eddy. We dressed up to see it. The original was better, but it was so cool! Like the one time where............

Eddy's Review:* 1/2

This movie was bad. If I went to the bathroom I'd see better stuff than this!

 

At least the movie poster is good. The movie at the end advertised for another sequel coming soon called, Escape from Robot Rebel Ranch, but I'd rue the day they' make this movie. It probably will be cancelled while it's being made!

~Tyler

(JBC Freelance Reporter)

Peach Creek Medical Journal
Space Station Continued...I'm running out of pictures
 

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“I never used the space station to write articles because the articles it produces suck,” Justin said, grabbing the pipe out of my hands and throwing it to the floor. “I mean even monkeys can write Shakespeare eventually, but at least they have brains to help them do it. All that keeps this station running is wires attached with gum, random bits of aluminum foil, 128 MB of RAM, and a bugged out version of Windows 98! I’ve owned calculators that can do more than this station.”

 

“Right,” I answered eying the pipe longingly, “So what did we spend all the money on exactly?”

 

“Do you have any idea how much it costs to launch something into space?” Justin answered, twitching with annoyance. “The price alone to launch a potato into space is $1,000. Now take a space station that ways approximately 2000 tons and you can only imagine how quickly the cost escalates!”

 

“Sorry. Look, we can continue to talk about this after we dock with the space station. As of right now, I think it’s more important that I focus on piloting the shuttle so we don’t hit the hull and explode. So unless you want that to happen…”

 

“Right. It can wait.”

 

“Alright everyone, buckle up. This is going to be a bumpy ride!”

 

I carefully eased myself into the pilot’s chair and quickly began the docking sequence. I was halfway through the preparations before I realized that I had no idea what I was doing. In fact I had no training on how to fly the shuttle. I hadn’t even read the manual yet. It was sitting on my desk back at the JBC headquarters. I was going to read it eventually, but it just kept getting put off.

 

“Umm guys…” I said hesitantly, “We have a problem.”

 

“What’s the problem?” Justin asked quickly.

 

“Uhh….I don’t know how to fly the ship.”

 

What will happen next? Are Justin and I doomed to hit the wall of the space station? Obviously not because I’m writing this! Nonetheless I can assure you that you won’t want to miss the exciting semi-conclusion in the next issue of the Jawbreaker Chronicle! Will this story ever end?!

~Dr. Eric

(JBC Physician)

Ed-vertisement

Looks fun!

Ed's Snow land
The perfect place to be during the holidays
for sledding, singing and making snowmen!
all it costs is 25 cents
and a cookie for Ed to push you on the sled!

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