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Issue 22
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Sports Ed is back (Cheers) So here's Issue 22...Well here ya go.

Hey where did you get that?!

Top Story
Space Station?!
 
Well thanks to Dr. Eric everyone now knows about the Space station. Now how I got enough money for it will not come up. But, seeing as I have a space pod and secret buttons you obviously already know a lot so I might as well tell you how the Space station came to be. If you can think way back to issue two the new show called "Your on Ed Camera" that was to aire in the U.S. in the summer.Well it became a success. Well not in America but in Europe. So since it did make a lot of money I kind of recieved some since I had helped with the show. So now I had all of this money which I won't say how much but it was a lot trust me on that one. Now after the first Kanker invasion I realized that the JBC building wasn't very safe so I built it for myself so that I could still print the paper. Well a staff member that no longer works at the JBC found my plans and told the entire staff. So then the secret was out and since they threatened me with their so called "union" I had no choice but to allow them to move up there as well. The space station has the ability to print an entire issue without writers but they're not too good. The main reason it is up there is for protection. I placed four satelites up there to monitor the Kanker area as well as the Culde-sac. During the invasion the JBC radar was cut off thanks to the brilliant idea of Dr. Eric of re-routing the power through a soda can. Trust me the JBC Space station is for the safety of the people of the Culde-sac. So now you know why I created the JBC Space station.
(P.S. If your confused... Good.)
~Justin
(JBC Headliner)

Nice hat there bucko!

Peachcreek Medical Journal
JBC Story part 3

           

 

     I gasped in horror as the engines failed to light. We were doomed! Then I remembered. “Silly me,” I said, “I forgot to switch on the power button. Justin stared at me, dumbfounded; while Winston banged his head on the console (which he claims was purely accidental). I quickly switched the power button on and hit the engine ignition button again. The engines roared to life and drowned out the cheers that were no doubt coming from my comrades. I quickly strapped in as the g-forces mounted as the rocket sped towards the sky.

 

            “We made it,” I said at last, breaking the uneasy silence. “We escaped the Kankers, everything turned out fine.”

           

            “What about the staff?” Justin asked.

 

            “What staff?” I asked, “Must be my amnesia acting up again, it comes and goes.”

 

            “Right.”

 

            “So about this space station?” I asked, pointing towards the gigantic structure, “Exactly how much did it cost?”

 

            “Well,” began Justin, glancing around nervously, “About 4.2 trillion dollars.”

 

            “And where did you get this money?”

 

            “Well I was supposed to use it to pay the staff, but I figured who cares if I pay you or not? I’d rather just build an awesome space station.”

 

            “Right…So what exactly can it do?”

 

            “Well besides exist in space, it has the technology required to create an entire issue of the Jawbreaker Chronicle with the push of a button.”

 

            “What! Why haven’t you been using this station instead of locking me in a cage until I write a story?” I picked up a conveniently discarded pipe and starting banging it against my fist.”

 

            “Well…because…”

 

What horrible secret is Justin about to reveal? What exactly is the function of the space station? Does anyone really care?  Are you even listening to me? Find out in the next issue of the Jawbreaker Chronicle!

~Dr. Eric

(JBC Physician)

Its my ball! No no its my ball!

Sports-Ed

Battle on the Diamond

 

I am overjoyed that Justin offered me the job of Sports-Ed writer. Especially after I just stayed in the closet weeping after the Kanker attack instead of writing a story on the attack two weeks ago... Moving on... despite the recent lack of sporty events in the cul-de-sac, one just happened to pop-up in an event that started as a simple quarrel, escalating into an event in our history that no one will soon forget.


  It all started yesterday when Kevin and Eddy were trading insults as usual, but this time it was something more.
  "Oh yea!? I bet my team could beat your team into the dirt!" Kevin yelled at Eddy.
  "Yea, right! I'll give you ALL of all my records if they do!" Eddy yelled back.
  "Oh yea?! Well I bet ALL of my jawbreakers!" Kevin yelled back leaving everyone in aww.
  "HAHAHA! WE'RE GONNA WOOP YOU!" Eddy laughed ending the fight and leaving Kevin worried for just now realizing what he'd done.
  Incase your wondering about these teams, it is all about baseball. Yeap, you heard right. Kevin and Eddy have established Baseball teams, the rules have been changed to accommodate the small numbers and Rolf is the Umpire so this is sure to be an interesting game. The teams were Eddy’s Team which is literally the name of the team. The players were Ed, Edd, Eddy, and Jonny.

On the other side we had Kevin’s better than Eddy’s Team. The players for him were himself, Nazz, Sarah, and Jimmy. Both teams had zero statistics since obviously none had played before. Before the game began it started raining which sent the kids running. The game was rescheduled for next week at the same time and same place. We look forward to seeing who will win this exciting match.

~Jonathan

(JBC Sports Correspondent)

JBC Freelance Article
Victor Escapes!

Rolf's kiester grows cold

           

 

               The JBC was informed today that Victor Escaped. Many witnesses recall this incident. First we have Local resident Edd (or Double D) here to talk.

"The ground was rumbling Eddy, Ed, and I were doing a sunglasses scam. We went over to look and Victor was running around! Then, he sped out of control and suddenly crashed into the fence. He then ran off free into the streets...”

             Eddy had the same opinion on the matter as well.

“He ran around the Cul-de-sac like a gorilla on...ah I'll just get to the point. He ran around and then the idiot ran though and crashed our scam! MY SCAM! Well then he just cracked me up by hurting Sarah and some how got tangled up in Jimmy's braces. He broke free, and that's why Jimmy has new braces .Then Jimmy ran over to the JBC to tell his tragic tale.

“He got tangled in my brace! The thing popped out and Victor sped away. I had to go to the dentist! I HATE THE DENTIST!!!! WAH HA HAH HA HA HA!

              Local beauty, Nazz, was shocked to see all this. She had this to say,

“He spiraled out of control and made a crater in the cul-de-sac! Then he ran up the tree and stopped. I think he was afraid of heights. But a second later he jumped down like a monkey on a rampage. He then ran through the woods and the trees went down."

            We asked the owner of Victor, Rolf, why this all happened. He said,

”Rolf doesn't know, but could it be that Rolf gave him sugar frosted treats?

Rolf really misses Victor now. If you find Victor, contact Rolf. There is an intended reward but that has not yet been decided.

~Blake

(JBC Freelance Writer)

Not a penny left at Ed-bay

Business Ed
Ed-Bay Out of Business?
Well who could've guessed that this was going to happen? I know I did. Just last week Ed-Bay was taken off the internet. The company was forced to close down due to the massive paralyzing debt from all of the lawsuits that were filed just last week. And lets see why do you think the lawsuits resulted in the first place. Hmm... maybe in the mail room department. Leaving someone in charge who can't tell the difference between a state and a country could possibly just lead up to a lawsuit. An unthinkable number of two hundred lawsuits came from people all across the country who got the wrong order or didn't even recieve their order. We couldn't interview the people who filed the lawsuits due to legal reasons which we don't need to have any more problems with. A total of five hundred thousand dollars was taken out of the company's wallet which completely bankrupted them. Now I hope that I wasn't the only person that saw this one coming.
~Justin
(JBC Business Major)

You can trust these faces

Ed-vertisment
 
Ed's piggy bank sitting service
 
Will watch piggy banks for only 25 cents!
got alot of money? need someone to watch over it for you?
then we're your guys!
-Not responsible for any theft-

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The Jawbreaker Chronicleİ 2002-2006 All Articles are the original ideas of the staff members of the site. The creator isn't liable for any content taken by staff members. Please don't take our articles. If you would like to use one please email the Editor.

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