(A short but extremely true article)
As all of you know Kevin really loves his bike, but lately he's been getting made fun of because they
think he may love his bike TOO much. I was even lucky to catch some of the rude insults from a few selected people.
Lynn: He seems to love that bike enough to marry it o.O
Ed: is the bike a girl?
Eddy: heh i bet he will marry that stupid bike!
Sarah: Kevin and his bike sitting in a tree!
Justin: He definitely hangs around his bike too much.
Most people agree with these comments because well....they're true. Since we last talked to Kevin he's added
about twenty-five different parts to his bike. He's changed the bike's paint job about five times and has even adjusted the
breaks more than I count. Edd has even taken some pictures of Kevin and his bike doing the usual things that they do everyday.
Kevin wouldn't let us get a quote from him but it is quite obvious that he truly likes his bike a little too much.
(JBC Topstory Writer)
Peach Creek Medical Journal
Edd and Eddy Under arrest?!
Last week in the Jawbreaker Chronicle, we found a bush containing an immense quantity of jawbreakers. This
being just after jawbreakers were banned from candy shops, we felt that Ed, Edd, and Eddy were definitely up to something.
We desperately spread out and searched for the two missing Eds, while Justin stayed behind to keep watch over Ed in hopes
that he could get some information out of him. They say great (or lesser) minds think alike. After nearly 20 minutes of searching,
everyone was ready to call it quits when out of no where Edd and Eddy appeared with several large crates. Upon sighting them,
we promptly grabbed the pair and "detained" them for questioning. This imprompt interview session was accurately recorded
by myself, serving as note-taker. And as for Ed, no one figured he'd be any use anyway so he was left to guard the bush.
Justin: We found a large stockpile
of jawbreakers in a bush in Ed's lawn. Would anyone care to explain how and why it got there?
Eddy: I’m not telling you
Edd: Eddy, perhaps we should….
Eddy: No one’s going to say
Justin: You weren't planning anything….Perhaps
selling jawbreakers illegally.
Eddy: (sweating) Of..of course not.
We were….uh….getting rid of them. Yeah, that's it.
(Justin's cell phone rings, he answers)
Justin: Well boys, you'll be happy
to know that the Supreme Court just overruled Judge Judy's decision. Apparently there was never really a case because no one
is forcing kids to eat jawbreakers. I guess your free to go now, seeing as anyone can get jawbreakers now.
Eddy: No! My scam!
Justin: Where did you get all those
Eddy: I found them.
Edd: Actually we apprehended them
Eddy: Can it!
So there you have it. Jawbreakers
were legalized once again and kids everywhere have a reason to celebrate once more. For more information on this trial and
a copy of the court record please call toll free: 1-800-IJUST-SAWTHE-JAWBREAKER-ARTICLEIN-THEJAWBREAKER-CHRONICLE-ANDNOW-IMCALLING-TOFINDOUT-MOREABOUT-IT.
And now, I’m going to go and buy myself a jawbreaker… and maybe some toothpaste while I’m at it.
Plank Used As a Diving Board
I was one normal day at the Pach Ceek swimming hole and the kids came up with an idea of a diving
they searched and searched for a nice piece of wood or something that they could use. finally,
Jonny and Plank arived.
Kevin got an idea. "Hey Jonny can we use Plank for a diving board" Jonny said "Heck no!" while the kids begged for Plank.
Finally, the Eds showed up. Apparently they slept in again because they were two hours late. Seeing as this situation
could score him a few social points Eddy came up with an idea.
"We'll give you 25 cents!" Yelled Eddy. Now the
last week Jonny squandered all of his money on fudge so he couldn't refuse Eddy's offer. "Im sorry plank,
am buddy ol' pal. PLEASE FORGIVE ME". Jonny then handed Plank to Kevin who strapped him to the edge of the cliff. Kevin dove
in nice and smooth. then again, Plank is useful after all. The kids continued to jump off of Plank while Jonny looked on in
horror. Right before Kevin jumped off Jonny heard a cracking noise. Immediately Jonny panicked and rushed over pushing Kevin
off of the cliff. Plank was then rushed to the JBC for examining. After an hour of tests Dr. Eric delivered the diagnosis.
He stated that Plank suffered emotional tear and should be careful for the next few days. But, the bright side is Plank is
ok and I don't think the kids will ever have an idea like that again.
"Jawbreakers! Jawbreakers!" That's what Peach Creek is saying. After the recent overruling judgement in
the jawbreaker case(See issues 12-15) the demand for jawbreakers has tripled. "We can barely keep up with the demand." States
candy shop owner Ima Sweet tooth. Kids are pouring into the shop daily buying three or four jawbreakers at a time. The candy
shop is even holding a very special promotion called "Customers are Rad!" This promotion gives the kids one free jawbreaker.
Now this promotion was done once before and it has the same effect this time. Even the Eds are enjoying a jawbreaker that
they rarely ever get. It seems that life has resumed here in Peach Creek where childeren can purchase jawbreakers freely and
(JBC Business Major)
Edd's 25 cent Dental Check ups
Edd will check to see how bad your teeth are.
If you have bad breath then it costs extra
since we have to wear gas masks.
You also get a dental kit
but it costs 50 cents more.
so hurry and get yours today!
wouldn't want those teeth to rot away!
|"I'm Ed and I approve the JBC"
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Jawbreaker Chronicleİ 2002-2006 All Articles are the original ideas of the staff
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