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Issue 27

News and Updates
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Issue 20 Editor's Pick
Issue 21
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Issue 27
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Issue 31
Issue 32
Sneak Peeks at upcoming issues
JBC Contract

We're back! Yes it is true and to prove it here is issue 27 which has a very unexpected plot turn. So here is issue 27 ready, willing, and able.

Top Story
Oh Plank Where Are Though?


Following the clues from a week ago I set out to search for Plank. After narrowing down the possible one hundred choices down to one location I was ready to begin my search. My search would lead me through the junkyard where Plank was supposed to be. I had all of the cool JBC gadgets that I had no idea how to use. The calculations would eventually get me there in four days and three hours. Thank goodness that I can't do math so really it would only take me four minutes and three seconds to reach my destination. Now obviously there has been a lot of articles that have had the writers writing about their point of view. Now personally I'm getting very tired of this style of wrtiting so this will be my last article where I express my point of view. So after reaching the junkyard my search began. I started off by searching through the heaping mounds of metal and rusty sharp objects. Now you probably know that I didn't go through with that decision. I realized that this would be harder than I thought. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something very strange. It was Plank! He was hanging from a piece of metal over the metal compactor. I started approaching him and was just about to grab him. "Stop right there!" I stopped and saw someone behind a broken down car. "One more step and Plank is sawdust." I had no choice but to stop. Now only if I knew how to use these gadgets.


(JBC Staff Editor)



Sports Ed
Peach Creek's First Arm Wrestling Contest


  In a recent challenge for the strongest in the cul-de-sac, Sarah was named the champion. It was an elimination arm wrestling event, and the challengers competed in this order.
Rolf vs Ed, Kevin vs Eddy, Jonny vs Edd, Sarah vs May, Marie vs Lee, and Dr. Eric vs Jimmy.
  The victors of the first round were Rolf, Kevin, Jonny, Sarah, Lee, and Dr. Eric. In the second round Rolf crushed Kevin, and Jonny didn't stand a chance against Sarah, and Dr. Eric won against Lee (I think that medical science can have it's advantages). Dr. Eric by what little common sense was left within him forfeited the match against Sarah, so it was left to her and Rolf. It was a long time until Rolf was finally slammed down, through the table, and into the dirt. I admit that while Sarah did technically win, Rolf had struggled against Ed, which apparently wore him out.
  Not many comments were said, Nazz said that it was senseless until she heard that Sarah had won, then she said, quote "It just goes to show you what girl power can accomplish, I'm sure the boys felt an injured pride after loosing to her, but they deserved it for even wanting to compete like this."
  Not much else happened, Kevin rode his bike off of anything remotely ramp like until he felt that his reputation was restored with Nazz. Rolf challenged Sarah to a duel of honor on the creek where you must smack each other about with a raw squid until your opponent is knocked off the lillipad, or you are knocked off of yours. That is really a whole 'nother sports event, and may just be reported in next week's issue.
(JBC Sports Ed Writer)

Peach Creek Medical Journal
It was all just a dream?


I awoke to find myself surrounded by darkness. I stood up, or at least I think I stood up, I couldn’t quite get my bearings. It seemed as if I were being restrained forcibly by some sort of object. Suddenly I had an idea. I opened my eyes and…still darkness. I was scanning around through nothingness when I heard a sound. It was a sort of familiar sound that reminded me of nails on a chalkboard mixed with a clinically depressed cat…no wait, it was Justin!

"Justin!" I shouted into nothingness, "Are you there? Can you here me?"

"What are you, an idiot?" came the reply.

"What do you mean?" I yelled into the void. Suddenly with the sound of a thousand suns exploding, or more precisely the sound of an annoyed grunt, the universe was split apart, light beams exploding forth. I blinked. I blinked again. It was daylight I was seeing! I looked around. This was my room. Had I been dreaming? I rubbed my eyes. I glanced towards my monitor. Floating in the middle of it was Justin’s head. "Justin, do you remember anything about us time traveling and a space station and Winston and a baseball game and a whale and a pot of petunias?"

"Umm…no," Justin replied, "You’ve been sleeping for the last two days. We finally decided to draw straws in order to determine who would brave waking you up."

"Why would you do that?"

"We need your article for the new issue that comes out today! What would an issue be like without your article? It would be like a cake without frosting, a bucket of popcorn without butter, a—"

"Yes I get the picture," I answered hurriedly, quickly scrambling out of bed and heading towards my computer. "I’ll have my article done in a—". Suddenly I tripped on a power cord that was coiled up on the floor next to my computer. I hurtled head first into my desk and woke up.

*Authors note: The length of this collection of articles is a widely debated subject. There are some who believe that it should end right here and now *cough* Justin. And there are some who believe it should continue until everyone is so sick of it that they pass out from sheer lack of interest. To the former all I have to say is "Free yourself, lose your mind."

Note from the Editor: Once again Dr. Eric's views and opinions have nothing to do with the JBC.

~Dr. Eric

(JBC's somewhat Physician)

Business Ed
EDCO Hits All Time Record


Following the release of the Double-D Sock Puppet EDCO has shot through the roof with profit. A few issues back we covered this new craze and right now it has hit its peak. By using clever marketting schemes Double-D was able to begin selling the item at five dollars a piece. Double-D had this to say "Well seeing as I was elected Business President in school I'm not surprised it worked."
"So you are saying that your better then me?!"
"No Justin I'm just saying..."
"Hey I went to college for seven years!"
"Justin it only takes five years for a business degree."
"I got my foot caught in a radiator for the first two!"
"Oh I bet your real proud of that aren't you!?"
"Why you bucktoothed pile of .....!"
Well a fight broke out after that and well it ended with him having a black eye and me with teeth marks in my arm. So my opinion is that this fad will die hard just like Double-D's hat.
(JBC Business Major)



Ed's Museum of Weird Stuff
 Are you into looking at crazy stuff?
Do you like mold and fungus?
Then you have to join the tour of Ed's room!
Theres alot of weird stuff to see
and it only costs 25 cents!
Don't miss this chance!
Also if you get sick, just buy your
very own barfing bag for 5 cents.




Marvel Ed

Join the NJP

JBC 2005

Ed Approves so should you
"I'm Ed and I approve the JBC"

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The Jawbreaker Chronicleİ 2002-2006 All Articles are the original ideas of the staff members of the site. The creator isn't liable for any content taken by staff members. Please don't take our articles. If you would like to use one please email the Editor.

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