Well all of us have heard of E-bay.  But have you heard of Ed-Bay? If you haven't then you should. After having a great idea last week Eddy forced Double-D into making a website where Eddy can auction off some of his stuff. "If Eddy thinks that he is going to make a profit out of this fiasco he’s crazy" Edd.  Ed-bay was launched last Friday by introducing Eddy’s most valuable item… his school picture. And I’m surprised to say that someone actually bought it. The item went for about five dollars. But then we got to thinking about how they’re going to send it. Well we later found out that it was Ed's department. "That's me alright I send the stuff to the right person” Ed. “So, Ed where does this item go."  "That’s easy, that goes to Vancouver."  "Actually Ed this package says Ohio." Well we sure know how this new scam is going to go. But according to Eddy as long as they get the profits he doesn’t care where it goes. So far the total profit is in the hundreds but we suspect that it will soon go into the thousands. The number of products actually on the site is in the hundreds as well. They include pictures, memorabilia, toys, books, and of course life size replica of Eddy. So far no one has argued against this website… Because you figure that E-Bay would step in but really right now they aren’t. So until that happens E-Bay's profits will be going…going…gone!

*Oh yeah if you can't figure out the little jokes go ahead and hit yourself with a hammer*

~Justin~

JBC Headliner

Ed Spots Aliens?

         I'm here at the Culde-sac where residents are outside trying to find out what the commotion is about.  After questioning several of them we have finally discovered what has happened. According to Jonny, Ed has claimed to have spotted a UFO and even several aliens!  “Jonny, can you tell us again what happened?”
         “Sure I can.  It started just a while ago, it was getting dark and Plank and I had to go in for dinner. Just as we were going to go inside Ed comes running down the street screaming that he had seen aliens near the woods!  Plank says that aliens love to hide in dark creepy places in the day, and then they come out at night and try to eat your brains.  So now we are running around warning everyone of the invasion.”  After we spoke to Jonny we went searching for the alien spotter himself… Ed.  Ed, Edd, and Eddy were in Eddy's bedroom where Ed was hiding under Eddy's bed. After prying him out we finally got a chance to speak with the alien spotter “So Ed, what did you see while you were walking near the woods?”
         “Well, I was walking home, so that my mom and dad would not get mad, when I saw something in the trees.  I heard a strange sound, and when I turned around to see what it was I saw the aliens! They had red glowing eyes, razor sharp claws, and had scales all over their bodies!  So I ran as fast as I could trying to get away from the horrible creatures!  I was almost out, and I could see my house, when all of the sudden a giant alien space ship came out from behind my house! So I ran down to Eddy's and hid under his bed.”
         “Interesting story Ed I'm sure whatever these things are they will be discovered. Thank you for coming out to speak to me.”  The aliens were not spotted afterwards, but there have been complaints of noises from the woods.  If anything should happen the residents have been asked to inform us immediately.

~Emily~

(JBC Top Story Reporter)

BREAKING NEWS

            It has just come to our attention that Sarah, Ed’s ferocious sister has been rushed to the emergency room. In a strange, bizarre turn of events that doctors call “brain expulsion”; Sarah’s brain was blown out her ears after she yelled so loud that her words were heard all over the cul-de-sac.

            “I was riding home on my bike,” said Kevin when questioned about the yell, “When I heard this loud noise that almost knocked me off my bike. I didn’t know it at the time, but I eventually found out that is was that dork Ed’s sister who did it. Wait ‘till I see him next time! I’m going to pound him!”

            Having heard about the yell, we decided that the next course of action should be to see what caused Sarah to yell so loud. We finally tracked down Ed in his basement and cornered him.

            When asked what had happened that upset Sarah so much, Ed replied, “All I was doing was playing with her dollies.”

“It’s attack of the brain-eating zombies from Mars!” Ed exclaimed picking up one of Sarah’s dolls and pulling its head off.

Having realized what caused the yell, we decided to go take a look at Sarah. Upon arriving at the emergency room and finding her room number, we hesitantly entered. There, lying upon a bed was Sarah, her entire head wrapped in gauze. We tried to get a quote from her about the pain, but she wasn’t able to hear us through all the gauze.

While we have discovered the cause of this earsplitting yell and have seen the result of it, we still are left with several questions. Will Sarah ever fully recover? Are there more of these yells to come? And of course: what will become of poor Ed, who knows not what he does?

~Dr. Eric~

(JBC Physician)

Is the Cursed phone Really cursed?

(A long article but very good)

NOTE:  As a member of the JBC and with the fact that I've been asleep for all the meetings, I've noticed I don't have an office there, not that I'm not happy I haven't been forced to live in that insanely massive nuthouse, I mean office. I have chosen to try and redeem myself by writing more articles. So this is the first of a few articles I'll write to try and keep from getting thrown in that padded room in the office I call the closet, that Dr. Eric puts me in "for the sake of mankind."

  I woke up yesterday, and decided to try and find out about this cursed phone that I've heard rumors about. I started my search with Eddy (who was in casts and bandages) and I approached him on this topic.

  "Eddy, could you direct me to this cursed phone you have?" I inquired.

  "NO! KEEP IT AWAY FROM ME!" was the answer I'd received from a rampaging pain inflicting Eddy.

  As I was under attack I noticed Edd in the doorway waving me over, I managed to get out but I needed a while for the stars to go away. After I'd recovered I began to question Edd.

  "Do you have any clue where this phone is?" I'd asked him.

  Edd replied with "The last record I know of is when Eddy gave it to Johny."

  With the info I received I headed off to the woods where I predicted Johny would be stuck in a tree, when I found the right tree I got him down for him to answer my questions.

  "Jonny, where is the phone Eddy gave you?" I asked tiredly from a large lack of caffeine.

  "In my room! And thanks for getting me down!" He replied gleefully.

  "Can I have the phone?"

  "Plank says, nope, it'll cost you a quarter!"

  I dug in my pockets and pulled out a bottle cap, I offered it to him and he accepted. Now that I had the phone I had a plan, and 2 colors of spray-paint.

  It started by me not answering the phone and just working on it, by the time I was done the phone was no longer gold and purple it was now black and red. I took the phone to Edd.

  "Do ya want this phone Double D?" I asked hoping he'd accept.

  "Perhaps. It does seem oddly familiar..." He answered while observing it.

  "Never mind that! Why not take it apart, to learn! To experiment!" I said with a loud voice and my fingers crossed.

  "OH HAPPY DAY!" Edd yelled ecstatically while taking the phone up to his room.

  "Be careful now, there's a rumor that local phones have been cursed..." I said to him before he closed his door, he chuckled a bit, then went to his room which I decided to observe to find out if the curse was lifted from Eddy, and if it had been placed on Edd.

  The first two hours was boring, he mainly took it apart, all that stuff, I missed dinner to watch this so that meant I'd gone too far to turn back now.

  In the third hour he began to put it back together, and it wasn't long before it rang. When I looked to see what happened when he answered, the legs of his chair broke.  Then it rang again, Edd looking very surprised shocked, and scared answered it and a planet from his universe mobile fell onto his head, followed by all the rest. I'd already confirmed the curse was real, but I was enjoying the show. When it rang again, Edd still convinced it was coincidence picked it up and his ant farm burst releasing every one of his ants across the room.

  By now I'd turned on my video camera to record the following few "unfortunate coincidences" to show Eddy. After showing Eddy I went home reheated and ate my dinner, and drank many caffeine drinks. Needless to say I couldn't sleep, so I made a steak out of Edd's house for odd late-night activity. Not too soon afterwards I saw Edd leaving his house going to the middle of the cul-de-sac, after laughing at his attempts to open the sewer; he just dropped the phone on top and left it there. I still couldn't sleep so I watched the phone until I saw Kevin riding his bike; he picked up the phone and took it home. I saw many things happen to him then.

In conclusion of my report I believe the phone is cursed and that Edd secretly believes it too.

~Jonathan~

(JBC Freelance Reporter)

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