Last week in the Jawbreaker Chronicle, through my brilliant deductions, we found out that we were not in an escape
pod as we had thought, but a time machine. This week continues my journal of our trip.
I came to and blinked. My head felt as if it had been
hit with a hammer several times. Holding my hand to my head I looked around the shuttle and saw that Winston and Justin appeared
to be okay, although Winston’s nose was bleeding and Justin seemed to have a large bruise forming on his head. Where
are we, I thought.
“Justin!” I
shouted across the pod.
“What?” came
Justin’s shaky reply a couple seconds later. “What happened?”
“I think we just
got sent back in time.”
“Where to?”
Justin asked, sitting upright and examining our surroundings.
“I believe the question
is when,” I answered, shaking Winston.
Justin came over and tried
to feel for a pulse. “He doesn’t have a pulse!” he exclaimed, “He’s dead!”
“Not quite. You see
Winston isn’t exactly my butler, he’s a robot that was built to protect me from any person who might want to do
me harm. As you can imagine, that number has been quite high since I started my medical career.”
“Right…,”
Justin muttered, examining Winston’s face. “Then what’s that,” he asked, pointing towards the blood
dripping from Winston’s nose.
“Motor oil,”
I answered quickly before adding, “And the bone sticking out of his arm is actually a plastic polymer specially developed
for strength and durability. I never expected to go back through time, so I saved $300 by not having him equipped with a time
dispersion field.”
“What’d you
buy with that?”
“An Ipod.”
“Oh.”
“I think the most
pressing issue now is to find out when we were at the moment.”
“Don’t you
mean when we are?” Justin asked.
“No, we’re
in the past so properly speaking we ‘were somewhere’.”
“Right, whatever.
Let’s just have gone outside and saw where we were.”
“Now you’ve
got it,” I said, turning towards the door and twisting the handle. With a quick jerk I threw it open and winced at the
sudden light. Stepping out I heard a voice booming all around me.
“In a spectacular
turn of events, it appears that some kind of machine has materialized in the middle of the playing field. Someone now appears
to be stepping out…wait make that two people.”
Another voice
interrupted the former, “You know Bill, this has got to be the most interesting thing to happen since last week when
that couch appeared in the middle of that cricket game over in England.”
“I agree with that
Ned. It appears that the home team has called a time out. Indeed the owner of the home team is walking towards the two strangers.
Boy I wouldn’t want to be in their shoes right now.”
Looking up, my sight finally
beginning to focus, I saw a blob approaching me. Blinking a couple times my eyesight came into focus and I saw someone I never
expected to meet. It was myself! I suddenly realized when we were! We were two days ago at the baseball game in Peach Creek.
I had been coaching because Eddy was home sick.
“Umm…hi,”
I muttered looking at myself.
“Hi,” I answered
back, “What the heck are you doing here?”
“You know it’s
really quite a long story and I really…hey, aren’t you going to try to kill me?”
“What?”
“Well in all the
movies whenever someone sees themselves from the future, they always try to kill them because they think they’re demons
or something.”
“I’m used to
it. I see people a lot. In fact I just spoke with Aunt Margret yesterday.”
“She died ten years
ago,” I said sympathetically.
“Oh my God,”
I whispered, starting to tear up. “How?”
“Rubber glove. Listen,
you’ll find out all about it tomorrow during a commercial break in the Peach Creek World Series. Just remember to swallow
the pretzel before you pick up the phone.
“Right. So is there
anything I can help you with?”
“Not really,”
I answered, looking towards the ship. “In fact we were just about to leave.”
“You mean you and
Justin? He’s been staring at me over my shoulder for the past five minutes.”
“Not that that’s
unusual,” we both answered in unison. We both chuckled.
“What’s so
funny?” Justin asked, coming out of some kind of trance.
“Nothing,”
the future I answered, “Look we better get going back.”
“And how are we going
to do that?” Justin inquired, glaring at future me.
“Well I suppose we
could push the “return from whence you came” button.” I pointed towards the console.
“They thought of
everything,” Justin muttered under his breath.
“Well it’s
a pleasure meeting you,” I said, extending a hand towards the past me.
“Likewise,”
I answered. “I look forward to becoming you.”
With that I quickly climbed
back inside the pod and after Justin had gotten in, closed the hatch. After that I made sure my seat belt was fastened and
began running some diagnostics. I heard Justin mutter something to my right about music or something.
“I have over 800 songs on it,” I answered, continuing my diagnostics.
“What?”
“I thought we were
talking about Ipods.”
“I said ‘push
the button’, what did you think I said?”
“Nothing,”
I quickly replied and with that pushed the “return from whence you came button”.
For a moment nothing happened
and suddenly nothing continued to happen. Just as I was about to unbuckle my seatbelt and check to see what was wrong, nothing
ceased to happen and everything took its place. I witnessed the birth of stars, worlds, galaxies, a falling pot of petunias,
and a rather surprised looking whale, before losing consciousness once again.
I’ve
begun to get some hate emails from people wondering when this story is going to end. I can only say that it will end when
it is properly told and not an issue before that. To all those who argue that this has nothing to do with medicine, you are
absolutely right. Do I care? No. So deal with it.
~Dr. Eric~
Bla Bla Bla you know the rest
Note from the editor: Dr.
Eric’s opinions are not linked to the JBC in anyway.
Click here to send hate mail to Dr. Eric Seriously
