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The Jawbreaker Chronicle

We're Back!

Sorry about the wait but we have been on vacation. We just got out of school so we took a break in the Culde-sac where we just spent sometime with the locals. Almost all of us made it back safely besides Dr. Eric who suffered some splinters when he wanted to find out what Plank actually ate. But we are back now and ready to spend the Summer with you!
~JBC Staff~

Top Stories

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EDCO Is Going Up!

"EDCO has never had higher ratings." Says Vice President Edd. This week the company has brought in a total amount of $50.00. This amount of money really has Eddy celebrating.  "Im rich!" Says President Eddy. The company has been going up since May and shows no sign of stopping. New renovations are taking place such as new wall upgrades and a building for the company. EDCO stock has jumped from 0.25 cents to $1.00 in a two week time period. EDCO has plans for buying out the newer company KEV Corp. KEV Corp specializes in the same business as EDCO, which is nothing to my knowledge. The new elevator at EDCO has also been changed so that it no longer reaches into space. It now goes 300 feet into the air so that the Ed's have a great view over their company. "We couldnt be happier. Our staff is as efficient as ever and we are raking in the cash as Eddy says." (Edd) So much has changed at this company since it first began March of 2002 and it is all thanks to one person. Edd began reformatting the company in the summer of 2003 and EDCO now has a total of 7 staff members which is a major jump from 4 which was just two weeks before Edd began changing the company. EDCO is on the rise and shows no signs of dropping. They're truly starting a monopoly in this business of nothing.

~Justin~

(JBC Headliner)

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Chickens Missing From Peach Creek

         There is trouble once again in the culde-sac as someone has kidnapped one of the local chickens. It happened two nights ago around 7:00 pm and no with no sign of the culprit the culde-sac is in suspense. Rolf who usually farms the chickens is in disbelief. "Rolf who do you think took your chickens? "Rolf is not a farmer, he is the son of a shepard! And I do believe that it is the half wit Ed boy who has disgraced Rolf and stolen his chickens! "Half wit Ed Boy? You mean Ed right?"  "Yes, the half wit Ed boy is always trying to take Rolf's chickens, they amuse him some how."  There was some evidence left behind at the scene of the crime. The kidnapper left behind a comic, some cheese, and buttered toast.  Local residents claim these are all items belonging to Ed. "So Ed, what have you to say in your defense?" "Gravy?"  "What Ed means to say is that he did not take Rolf's chickens, or so I hope"  Whatever the conditions are the main concern of this investigation is to find the missing chickens.  Rolf has decided not to press charges against the thief in exchange for their safe return.

~Emily~

(JBC Top story Reporter)

Sports-Ed

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Annual Summer Creek Blowout

~Your invitation~
Where: Peach creek swimming hole
When: June 20 at 1:00 pm
RSVP: 555-6745

Water activities, refreshments, barbecues, kite sales, and sports events all here for you! Hope to see you there!
Admisson is 2 dollars per person. Navy and Military authourization cards get in free. This is the first time that invites have been passed out to all of Peach Creek. And you can bet that the JBC will be there to witness all of the action.
Everyone is expected to show up. And yes even the Eds are invited which is basically the only reason that we are going. You can bet that they will try something stupid to impress all of the kids.
~Connie~
(JBC Sports Writer)

Peachcreek Medical Journal
Jawbreakers Banned!

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            In the past two issues of the Jawbreaker Chronicle, we have covered the pre-trial of the candy store class action suit. For those of you unfamiliar with this case, see the previous two issues.

 

This past weekend the candy store case was finally brought to court. Among the attendants were: Sugar Haters Anonymous President I.M. Bitter and his group of high class, overpaid lawyers, and for the defense Candy Store President B.E. Sweet and his group of lawyers.

 

Tensions were high in the courtroom as Judge Judy finally took her seat. "This court will now come to order", she announced. That means that everyone who isn't directly involved with this case must leave now or be forcibly removed by the bailiff. A loud grumble echoed through the courtroom as everyone except Mr. Bitter, Mr. Sweet and their respective lawyers exited the courtroom.

 

Out in the waiting area, everyone was quivering. We tried to interview Ed about his thoughts on the trial, but all he would say is, "Candy good for Ed!" Turning to Eddy and Double D for any further comments, we found them huddled in the corner clenching their last jawbreakers tightly. Indeed, things looked grim in the waiting room. Not a smile to be seen, except those worn by Sugar Haters Anonymous members and those werent really smiles, more like smirks.

 

Suddenly, the moment everyone had been waiting for arrived. Judge Judy burst through the waiting doors and announced in a loud voice, "The verdict to the case of Sugar Haters Anonymous vs. the candy companies of America will be read after these messages. "Everyone grumbled and fell silent again, a few kicked at the floor. Five minutes later, Judge Judy cleared her throat. "I have reached a verdict, she declared. From hence forth, all sales of jawbreakers to the minors of America are banned!"

 

-To be continued

~Dr. Eric~

(JBC Physician)

Freelance Article

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        Smilelyville Amusement Park is Now a Reality
 
          Smilelyville was a scam to trick Jimmy out of his money. Now it's real. The opening ranked  445 cents. The rides are fun and safe. There's a Teddy Bear Picnic.You buy a ticket for a spot on the next Teddy Bear Picnic.The Picnic times are: 10:00am, 12:00pm, 2:30pm, 5:00pm, 6:30pm,and a  9:00pm picnic with live entertainment(such as Ed the Great),and Fireworks.
          There's a small roller coaster called the Joy Ride. It goes up 20ft in the air and drops,turns to a side. It goes like that 4 times in a row. The fastest speed is 25 miles per hour.Funny Ferris wheel is a ferris wheel.Smilelyville was popular the opening.We're looking foward to more at the park.
 
 ~Blake Ferronetti~
(JBC Freelance Writer)
 
 
 

Business Ed

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Plank Makes A New Hit Toy
 
Plank has finally made his mark in the bark as he has came up with a new toy. He calls it the "hypno disc". It's used as a frisbee and when u throw it waves of colors come out which leaves the person amazed and hypnotised. He has already sold 200 of them and toy stores in Peach Creek plan on selling them right away. The total sales for this marvelous little toy is around 2,000 dollars which is chump change compared when he it hits the stores. Even I myself bought one and they're loads of fun. Sometimes you don't even know that you're playing with it.
 
~Justin~
(JBC Business Major)
 
To order your very own Hypno Disk please contact us at

Ed-vertisement

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